Back to school night

I once did a comedy show at a high school. It was a fun crowd! There was a two-drink minimum, but everyone was chugging Red Bull. And that was just to wash down their Ritalin.

The principal told me I couldn’t use the F word, the D word, the H word or the S word. I also couldn’t use the N word, the P word, the T word or the C word.

I somehow did a 15-minute set using only vowels. Except for the A word.   I did manage to share some sage advice with the students as only a childless, single woman can:

• Don’t let anyone talk you out of getting a tattoo.
If you want ink, get something that even the strictest parents will like. Consider “Harvard,” “Yale” or “Stanford” in a  cool typeface.

• Don’t enroll in a party school.
Get into a top university—located near a party school. On weekends, you can be a party exchange student.

• Don’t get married too young.
You need to wait until all your friends have great jobs and can afford the more expensive items on your wedding registry. But don’t wait too long to get married, because your grandparents may not be around. They could blow their cash on an extended around-the-world luxury cruise.

Molding young minds feels so good!

Photo by Joshua Hoehne/Unsplash

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